Drunk and Disorderly

Many of the people I spent a lot of time with are very traditional in the way they live their lives.  They work a 9-5 job, and let loose on the weekend.  There is nothing wrong with that, and I can attest to the fact that there are a lot of traditional people, and many have common interests.  They have a great time together drinking and enjoying the same thing every night they get together.  It took me several years of pretty much having the same experiences,  every time we got together, to realize I wasn’t enjoying myself at all.  This life of drinking and watching other people get wild gets old.  I wish they would give themselves permission to say and do what they really want to in life, and not be so uptight when they are sober.  It’s weird because when everyone is cutting loose, it makes me very uncomfortable.  Drunk people are like a band of multiple personalities on the loose.  Whatever the current host wants, it gets, regardless of consequences.  Doing the same thing over and over yields the same results, so I suppose the consequences would be well understood and accepted.

I rarely feel at home around other people, no matter what I try to tell myself.  I never know what they are going to say or do that might make me anxious.  I am exhausted from trying to fit in.  There are so many people that my body feels anxious around.  Adding alcohol to the situation is a terrible idea for me.

I am well aware that I don’t ‘need to be drunk to say and do what I want to do.  However, after realizing this is definitely not the case with most drinkers, I find it hard to know how to act around people who are going to pretend they didn’t act like that the next time you see them.

Weird for me.