Anxiety around other people. This is mostly contained because I am seeing no one I really know well lately, except my kids and the odd friend I set up a visit with. I am happier right now with a smaller social circle and more trusted members in it. I am spending a great deal of time alone.
I deactivated all my Facebook stuff. My house is pretty tidy, my laundry is caught up, my work is getting done in a timely manner. I would say that I have made very good use of my time. I am disappointed that I don’t think I will be keep anyone from the social circle I spent the past 3 years with, but I accept that if it’s the way it is.
In many ways I am sealing myself off because I think that it will be smarter and easier for when we move. I also know that I am a major chicken, so the less entangled friendships that make me want to stay here next year, the better. I want to move out west to start fresh, and leave a lot of the thought processes I have in Ontario. I believe that by being in a different space, with the ability to set relationship boundaries early into new friendships, that I will understand people more easily there. I also hope there will be more people like me, who prefer hanging out with friends to having them as phone/text/internet friends. I don’t really want to be on my phone or online. I don’t want to drink to have a good time. I’ve lost a lot of friends in the past year, but most of the loss has been easy.
I am a truth teller, and not everyone likes those kind of people. I love and admire the people I am moving away from. I am disruptive in these relationships, and I am exhausted from trying to make myself look just like everyone else.